It sucks, when you begin to realize how fleeting the things of your world are. Whether it’s the clothes you wear, the music listen to, or your relationships, your career, the knowledge you’re discovering…things will all eventually lose their lustre; they lose their novelty; people will all eventually disappoint you, fail you; they are limited, and also marred with their own imperfections — just as I am.
There’s a deep longing to find myself in this world. I seek to find myself in the things I own, the people I know and have relationships with, the way I speak and present myself, the knowledge I attain and pass on, and the dreams and ambitions I chase after. There is confusion and frustration when I don’t meet my own expectations, when others don’t meet my expectations, and when the world doesn’t meet my perception and expectations of what is “right.”
There is a restlessness in me to find myself: to find peace with myself, with others, with the world, and with God. I look for it in the type of life I believe will give me all of those.
What is life? What is the life that will give me peace? Who am I? Who in myself with give me the peace and wholeness I long to live with?
Perhaps, the question rather ought to be ‘who is life?’ Jesus said: “I am the way, the truth, and the life.”
I pray that I might live shalom. I pray that I may rest fully in the love that stills the furies of my heart and mind, which are ever restless in the pursuit of an eternal abiding peace, but are never satisfied until they are made whole — only fittingly and perfectly filled and made right by the love of Christ, I was made to experience and share.
This old hymn, “As the deer pants,” is a beautiful prayer I have made my prayer.